don't let my smile fool you

I'm not sure what to write about. I've had a horrible weekend; lots of ups & downs. my boyfriend won't talk to me. I don't know what I did. I guess he doesn't want to hear the truth that he treats me like shit... so he hangs up on me, ignores all my phone calls (once again), and then gets so fed up of me caring and wanting to know what the fuck is going on, that he turns his phone off. It's been about an hour now. but it feels like forever.

this is all reminding me of my past relationship, except I knew he loved me. It was a crazy, unhealthy relationship filled with drugs and such but he loved me. I know that. my current boyfriend isn't even sure if he wants to be with me. still. so what he's doing to me hurts 10 times more.

I don't have anything to do to distract myself from the situation since my one and only great friend is in college and comes home only on weekends. I lost all my other friends. It amazes me how I go from having so many friends to now, one. I guess I just have to keep on moving forward. there are many years ahead of me. many.


i wear: black & silver earrings: mom's, vintage coat faux fur collar & cuffs: $40 ebay, black skinny pants: $40 zara, oxford heels: $60 zara, vintage fur hat: mom's, gray turtleneck: forever 21, gray vest: mom's